my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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