He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my liver is dry heaving
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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