the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
