these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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