I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
