Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
