Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
