i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
