its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
