i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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