All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
