I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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