im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize