pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
