She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
