I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
