So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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