I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
