that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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