i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
