and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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