Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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