my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
