There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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