This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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