Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
