So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
