thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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