I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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