i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
