So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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