the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
