Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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