I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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