thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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