This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
