is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
