i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
