we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
