you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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