I wanna passion pit in your ass
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
