Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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