Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
