just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
