I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
