My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
