Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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