Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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