if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
