Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you inspire me to be a worse person
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
