a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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