Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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