I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
