PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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