i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
