I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
