She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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