Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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