WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
