Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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