So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
