Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
