Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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