I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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