Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
