My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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